


i follow the heartlines (on your hand)

by pageandpetals



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, Femslash, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2019-04-27 17:24:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14430498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pageandpetals/pseuds/pageandpetals
Summary: There's a first for everything. Jongdae makes sure of that.





	i follow the heartlines (on your hand)

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](http://twitter.com/pageandpetals) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/pageandpetals)

"Can we leave yet?”

Baekhyun’s mouth draws into a line over the rim of her plastic cup half-filled with vodka and cranberry juice. “We’ve only been here for half an hour.”

Junmyeon leans against the wall of what in earlier years may have been Epsilon Chi Omicron’s living room and swirls the remains of her ginger ale and whiskey. The frat’s semi-annual mixer is always one of the semester’s most highly-attended functions, and the house is packed, albeit with a slightly less hectic vibe than the usual weekend parties due to the five-dollar cover charge. “There’s too many people here.”

“I paid your cover to get in tonight, you don’t get to whine,” Baekhyun says, scanning the room for familiar faces. “If you want to go home, ask campo to take you. I told Chanyeol I’d be here tonight and I don’t intend to leave without seeing him.”

“You’re the worst friend,” Junmyeon sighs, and Baekhyun squeezes her arm, holding her now empty cup out with her free hand, a shit-eating grin on her face.

“I know. Go get me another drink.”

“Yes, highness.” Junmyeon rolls her eyes and weaves her way through the crowd to the makeshift bar the brothers had built for the occasion.

“Oh, hey Junmyeon!” Minseok is the sober brother on duty for the evening, tasked with pouring cocktails and making sure nobody gets too fucked up on Smirnoff. He looks much more lively tonight than he does during their twice-weekly 9 a.m. stats section. “What can I get you?”

“Baekhyun wants another vodka cranberry,” she says, putting one cup on the counter, “and I’ll have another whiskey and ginger ale.”

“I’m gonna have to try that, sounds good,” Minseok murmurs, getting to work on Junmyeon’s orders.

“Make one for me, too,” a voice pipes in from Junmyeon’s right, and Junmyeon turns her head to look at the newcomer, who covers her mouth and titters cutely. She’s a little shorter than Junmyeon, with brown hair trimmed into a pixie cut and lids lined with thick black ink in a truly impressive cat eye. “Sorry for interrupting, that just sounds really yummy.”

“Two whiskey gingers and a vodka cranberry,” Minseok recites, scooping ice into the cups. “Gotcha.”

“You look familiar,” the girl says to Junmyeon, eyes narrowing as she studies Junmyeon’s face. She snaps her fingers suddenly. “I’ve seen you with Baekhyun! We’re in the same practicum for Music 202.”

“Yeah, I’m actually here with her tonight,” Junmyeon says, hitching a thumb over her shoulder in the direction she’d come from. “Well, until her boy toy shows up, anyway. At which point I can blessedly go home.”

“You’re not having fun?” The girl looks a little put out by Junmyeon’s lack of enthusiasm. “You should come play with me and my friends after Baekhyun leaves!” She grins. “Or now, if you want. I’m sure Baekhyun won’t mind me borrowing you for the evening, what with her probably being preoccupied with Chanyeol’s dick and all.”

“I have to bring her drink back,” Junmyeon starts, but the girl picks up the plastic cup as soon as Minseok sets it down and wanders off into the next room. Junmyeon turns around and stares at Minseok with wide eyes. “What the hell was that?”

“That’s Jongdae for you,” Minseok laughs, dropping a swizzle stick into Junmyeon’s cocktail before serving it up. “She’s… something else, that’s for sure.”

Jongdae’s cocktail is ready by the time she returns, and she chirps her thanks as she takes the cup and loops her arm through Junmyeon’s, steering her away from the bar and toward the opposite side of the house. “Don’t worry,” she chatters animatedly, sipping her drink with a hum of approval, “Baekhyun said I could kidnap you. She’ll see you tomorrow at breakfast, she said. I’m Jongdae, by the way.”

“Junmyeon,” Junmyeon replies by way of introduction. “You’re very forward, aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little,” Jongdae says, an impish smile curling the corners of her glossy red lips. There’s something secretive about her mouth, something that makes Junmyeon curious about her. “You just looked so lost, and I’m always collecting new friends.”

“We’re friends now?” Junmyeon can’t help but smile a little bemusedly. She wonders what it’s like inside Jongdae’s head, what it’s like to not second-guess everything, what it’s like to grab a stranger’s hand and wander off with them just because they look lonely or sad.

“Well, I think we have a fair number of mutual acquaintances, so yeah.” Jongdae grins as they duck into the den. “I think that makes us friends by default.”

“Junmyeon!” Zhang Yixing, her art history study partner, kicks her heels up from her seat on the couch. “Come sit!”

Jongdae releases her arm (somewhat reluctantly, Junmyeon thinks) and Junmyeon sits down on the couch between Yixing and a girl with platinum blonde hair and lavender fringe. Jongdae plops herself in that girl’s lap and extends her legs across the length of the couch, crossing her ankles daintily in Yixing’s lap.

“Jongdae, wait—” Junmyeon reaches over to adjust Jongdae’s skirt, which is riding up her thighs just a little too much to be decent, and doesn’t notice the way Jongdae sucks her lower lip into her mouth.

“It’s okay, she’s _probably_ wearing underwear,” the purple-haired girl says, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. Jongdae biffs her over the head like an angry kitten, and she laughs as she offers a glittery manicured hand. “I’m Lu Han, by the way.”

“It’s nice to put a face to a name,” Junmyeon says, shaking her hand. “I sit next to Minseok in stats; he’s always talking about you. I’m Junmyeon.”

Lu Han beams. “He’s so cute. I feel less mad at him for volunteering to be the bartender tonight, now.”

“She’s been sending him pouty selfies all night,” Yixing explains, “and whining. A lot.”

“If wanting to make out with my boyfriend is a crime, then lock me up and throw away the key,” Lu Han says, sticking her wrists out as if offering them to be handcuffed. “Anyway. Junmyeon, how’d you run into this one?” She tips her head in Jongdae’s direction.

“She stole me from my date,” Junmyeon says. “Do you know Byun Baekhyun? She’s my best friend, she kind of dragged me here against my will.”

“Junmyeonnie doesn’t go out much,” Yixing supplies helpfully, and Lu Han nods in understanding.

“Well, if you ever wanna come hang out at our place, you’re more than welcome,” Lu Han offers.

“I forgot to mention Yixing and Lu Han are my roommates,” Jongdae says, clearing up Junmyeon’s confusion. “Our apartment is just down the street.”

“You should totally come over next Friday,” Yixing gushes. “We can do, like, wine and apps and watch movies or something. It’ll be fun! Bring Baekhyun, we’ll have a girls’ night!”

“You’re the only one with long hair—I’m going to have to practice my French braiding skills on you,” Jongdae warns her, reaching over to twist a tendril of Junmyeon’s wavy auburn hair around her finger.

“That sounds kinda fun,” Junmyeon says, smiling. She plows onward, ignoring the way her heart jumps when Jongdae smooths her hair. “Baekhyun has an insane collection of nail polish, I’m sure she’d bring it along and do everyone’s nails, too, if you wanted.”

“Yesssss!” Lu Han practically fistpumps. “I can’t do my right hand without getting polish all over my cuticles. This is perfect.” She digs in the couch cushions for her clutch, nearly knocking over Jongdae, who leans forward and grabs onto Junmyeon’s shoulders for support.

“Hi,” Junmyeon says, not really knowing what else to say to Jongdae’s face mere centimeters from her own. She hides her blush behind the rim of her drink, gulping down a quarter of it in one go.

Jongdae just pats her cheek with a tipsy grin. “You’re so _pretty_.”

“Okay, drunkface, that’s enough,” Lu Han snorts, hauling Jongdae back against the arm of the couch and popping her bag open to give her phone to Junmyeon, who’s trying her hardest to will the heat away from her cheeks. “Gimme your number, I’ll text you mine. You already have Yixing’s, right?”

“Mmhmm.” Junmyeon adds herself as a new contact and hands the phone back to Lu Han, sitting forward just enough to dig her own phone out from the back pocket of her black skinny jeans just as it begins to buzz. She opens the new message, smiling at "hi, it’s lulu~" before adding her as a new contact.

“Me next!” Jongdae makes grabby hands at Junmyeon’s iPhone and rapidly taps her phone number in once Junmyeon hands it over. She sends herself a text and smiles sweetly when she gives the phone back to Junmyeon. She’s saved herself as "kjd ♥," cute heart emojis and all.

“Well, now that that’s over with, I need to go get my dance on,” Yixing says, shoving Jongdae’s strappy black wedges off of her lap and clambering to her feet. “Coming with?”

Lu Han pauses for a moment, listening to the bass thumping from the next room, and then pushes Jongdae off her lap entirely. “This is my jam!”

Junmyeon reaches out to keep Jongdae from falling ass over teacups and showing the goods to everybody in the room, standing as she helps Jongdae straighten up. “I’ll go, too, I guess. Somebody’s gotta make sure you don’t break that nose of yours.”

Jongdae smiles, that nose of hers wrinkling cutely. She laces her fingers with Junmyeon’s, tugging her along after Yixing and Lu Han. “Let’s go.”

❦

It’s not like Jongdae’s the first girl Junmyeon’s ever found attractive, or the first girl to flirt with her. But she is the first girl Junmyeon’s ever actively flirted with, the first girl she’s had any less-than-utterly-platonic thoughts about, the first girl she could ever actually see herself having a good old-fashioned college hook-up with… or at the very least a good old-fashioned makeout session.

Junmyeon stares into her bowl of oatmeal on Monday morning and feels nauseous.

It’s not like nobody knows about her proclivities. The important people do. Baekhyun knows. Junmyeon’s parents were less than thrilled at first, but they’ve come around. “As long as you still give me grandchildren,” her mother had relented after a few weeks of stony silence. Her brother had tried to set her up once with his friend’s cousin’s sister, but it was a boring, terrible date and they mutually agreed not to see each other again. After giving her brother a stern talking-to, there were no more set-ups, and that was the last time she’d been on a date.

For a while she wondered if the anxiety she felt about dating girls was a nervous closeted gay girl thing, but meeting Jongdae makes her pretty sure it’s just a Junmyeon thing. Jongdae’s so confident and comfortable with herself; Junmyeon doesn’t know how _not_ to second-guess everything she does or thinks or feels. _There’s no reason to be scared_ , Junmyeon tells herself over and over again: in the shower, on the way to class, during lectures, at lunch, in the middle of choir rehearsal, while drinking her after-dinner cup of tea, before falling asleep. It’s too bad her powers of persuasion have no effect on herself.

 _It’s not wrong to care about someone_ , she thinks forcefully during her human rights lecture on Tuesday. _Frankly, it would be good for you._ It sounds like something Baekhyun would say. Junmyeon likes to complain about Baekhyun dragging her to every party on campus each weekend, but she knows it’s just because Baekhyun wants her to meet someone and be happy.

 _But could I be happy with another woman?_ Junmyeon poses the question to herself in the middle of her stats assignment on Wednesday when her phone beeps, alerting her to another one of Jongdae’s emoji-laden text messages. It seems so obvious that life never turns out the way you expect it to, but this particular facet of herself was a detour she had never anticipated. She’d always vaguely assumed she’d get married and buy a house and have 2.5 kids someday, because that’s what people did when they grew up, but that fuzzy image of a future melted away before her eyes in high school when she realized she was paying more attention to long, hairless legs and the wondrous effects of push-up bras than the boys’ soccer team ripping their shirts off after every match. She knew plenty of guys who were funny, smart, and great to talk with, but they weren’t soft and pretty or sharp and witty like the girls she knew. They weren’t alluring, they weren’t _attractive_. And that was a terrifying realization. No one else could see inside her head and know that she was different, but Junmyeon knowing it was hard enough.

It’s a hard feeling to brush away, even five years down the line, even knowing that the people who care about her don’t care about this. Maybe it’s because there’s no one who can really, truly relate to her. Baekhyun will never feel ashamed for the way she feels about Chanyeol. Her brother will never re-evaluate his entire life looking for what led him to fall in love with his fiancée. Realistically, Junmyeon shouldn’t have to, either. But it doesn’t stop her from overanalyzing it until she’s sick to her stomach.

 _It’s just the anticipation_ , Junmyeon soothes herself as she rolls over in bed on Thursday night. _Inexperience and apprehension make for a poor cocktail of emotions_ , she thinks wryly. It would be good to become close friends with Jongdae, if only to have someone to understand—to _truly_ know—what she’s feeling. Someone to hold her hand when she’s scared and hug her when she’s sad and listen to her worries without laughing or dismissing them.

 _You don’t even know Jongdae_ , the suspicious, anxious part of her brain pipes up. _What if she just wants you for your body?_

“Now you’re just being ridiculous,” Junmyeon mumbles into her pillow sleepily. As if that would ever happen. Jongdae’s the one with the ideal body, after all, the very definition of gamine. Narrow waist, pert little backside, Mona Lisa smile and eyes that are in on a joke no one else knows the punchline to. If Junmyeon had a type, she’d be it. _Who am I kidding?_ Junmyeon eyes roll back into her skull. _She_ is _my type._

❦

Friday evening rolls around, and Junmyeon and Baekhyun pack their things and trek over to Lu Han, Yixing, and Jongdae’s apartment for their girls’ night. Junmyeon hikes her backpack up higher on her shoulders, being careful not to jostle the container of cupcakes she’s holding in the process.

“Jesus Christ, this thing’s heavy,” Baekhyun whines, switching her nail polish caddy to her other hand. “I’ve never had to carry it more than ten feet before.”

“You know there’s an easy solution to this problem,” Junmyeon says dryly. “Stop buying nail polish.”

“My hands are my best asset,” Baekhyun protests as they turn the corner onto the street where Jongdae’s apartment is located. “I’m not about to let them go naked where anyone can see my crappy nail beds!”

“Does Chanyeol even notice that stuff?” Junmyeon lifts an eyebrow, turning her head to look at Baekhyun.

“He told me I had pretty hands when he walked me home last night,” Baekhyun sighs. “We held hands and he kissed me good night and we just kinda Looked at each other and then I ran inside and oh god I wanna be the mother of his children someday, help me.”

“I mean, _I_ think that’s kind of cute, but does he know you’re imagining cozy domestic scenarios involving him and hypothetical babies?” Junmyeon checks the house numbers against the address Jongdae had texted her; they’re still half a block away.

“God, I hope not,” Baekhyun says. She’s quiet for a minute before she blurts, “But I guess if someone really liked me I’d want to know about it…”

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon looks up from her phone, balanced precariously on top of the cupcake tray.

“Just…” Baekhyun sucks her chapped lower lip into her mouth. “You know Jongdae has a ridiculous crush on you, don’t you?”

Junmyeon’s chest seizes up, but she doesn’t stop walking. “How do you know that?”

“Uh, she _told_ me? Last week? At the Ep Chi party?” Baekhyun’s making that face Junmyeon hates, the one that says _you’re really smart, stop acting like an idiot_.

“What did you say back to her?” Junmyeon feels panicky suddenly, feels like going back to her dorm and camping out there for the rest of the semester. The weight of expectation hangs heavily on her chest and makes her feel a little nauseated.

“Just that you’re kind of shy and that you don’t date much,” Baekhyun says, her tone a little gentler now. “Or, like, ever. She seemed to understand. I don’t think she’ll make a move if you don’t. She just flirts with everyone, it’s pretty harmless.”

“Is it okay that I’m scared anyway?” Junmyeon asks, trying to mute the tremor in her voice.

“Oh, honey,” Baekhyun sighs, switching her nail polish caddy to her other hand again and linking arms with Junmyeon, pressing her cheek into Junmyeon’s shoulder. “Of course. Are you freaking out really badly right now? You wanna take a minute to chill before we go up?”

Junmyeon swallows and shakes her head. “No. No, I’m okay. I’ve— I’ve definitely felt calmer, but I’ll be— yeah, I’ll be okay.”

“Hey.” Baekhyun lifts her head and squeezes Junmyeon’s arm. “We’re gonna have fun. We’re gonna eat a lot of sugar and cheese and drink a lot of wine and it’s not going to be awkward or scary at all. Okay?”

“Okay.” Junmyeon sucks in a deep breath through her nose and turns into the walkway, Baekhyun in tow.

The stairwell up to the girls’ second-floor apartment is narrow and steep, but they make it up without dropping anything or falling on their faces. Baekhyun knocks on the door when they reach the top, and Yixing answers it almost immediately, opening the door with a big smile and welcoming them inside.

“Cute apron,” Junmyeon says, and Yixing twirls the frilly skirt around. “What are you making?”

“Mini quiches, bacon-wrapped scallops, and potstickers,” Yixing says, counting the appetizers off on her fingers. “And before you think I went to any trouble, we bought them out of the frozen foods case at Wal-Mart this afternoon.”

“But we did not buy the wine at Wal-Mart, so don’t be nervous,” Lu Han chirps, ducking into the kitchen. “Ooooh, what’d you bring, Junmyeon?”

“Funfetti cupcakes,” Junmyeon replies, letting Lu Han take the container from her. “We have a kitchen in our dorm and my mom always says you should bring something when you go to someone’s house, so…”

“Junmyeonnie’s going to grow up to be Martha Stewart someday,” Baekhyun laughs, squeezing her shoulder. The case of nail polish swings from her other hand. “Hey, can I put this down somewhere? It’s kinda heavy.”

“Sure, you can stash your stuff in the living room for now.” Lu Han slides the container of cupcakes onto the kitchen table and guides them into the next room, gesturing for Baekhyun and Junmyeon to unload their backpacks onto the beat-up armchair facing the coffee table.

“Where’s Jongdae?” Baekhyun asks, seeing that she’s not in the living room. She flexes her aching wrist; Junmyeon unbuttons her peacoat and drapes it over the back of the chair.

“I think she’s working on her composition homework,” Lu Han says, sucking her lower lip into her mouth thoughtfully. “Xing? Is the food almost done?”

“Yeah, maybe a couple minutes more,” Yixing calls back.

“You wanna go grab Jongdae for me, Junmyeon?” Lu Han asks, turning back to face Junmyeon. “She’s probably hungry.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon says, looking at Baekhyun briefly. “Yeah, I’ll go get her.”

Lu Han smiles brightly. “Great! Her room is at the end of the hall. Just knock, she might have her headphones on.”

Junmyeon nods and makes for the hallway, turning around to walk backwards once she’s out of Lu Han’s line of sight to shoot a wide-eyed stare at Baekhyun, mouthing _What am I doing???_

Baekhyun diverts Lu Han’s attention long enough to shoot Junmyeon a thumbs-up, and Junmyeon spins around, walking until she reaches Jongdae’s bedroom door. She pauses, taking a look at the decorations: a piece of cardstock acting as a name plate, _JONGDAE_ drawn in neat calligraphy; a Safe Space sticker next to the doorknob; a few polaroids of Jongdae and her roommates stuck to the paneling at different angles. It’s difficult to see the photos with the hall light off, but the girls are smiling. Jongdae has a nice smile.

Junmyeon suddenly realizes it would be really bad to be caught lurking outside Jongdae’s door if she opens it first, so she knocks three times, rather loudly, in case Jongdae’s headphones are on.

“Come in,” Jongdae calls, and Junmyeon sucks in a breath before turning the knob and poking her head in.

“Oh!” Jongdae says, sitting back in her desk chair. She adjusts her bra strap from where it’s drooping down her shoulder beneath her cap-sleeved t-shirt and fluffs up the hair at the crown of her head. “I told Lu Han to come get me when you and Baekhyun got here.”

“She foisted the duty off on me,” Junmyeon says, smiling. Jongdae looks different in black-rimmed eyeglasses, her makeup much less dramatic than it was last weekend. Her bangs are clipped back from her face, and her eyes look a little tired from squinting at her computer screen. “What are you working on?”

“Composition midterm project,” Jongdae sighs. “It has to be one minute or longer, with at least three-part harmony. It’s a jazz piano trio right now but I hate it.” Her shoulders slump against the chair, mouth downturned in a pout.

“Can I listen?” Junmyeon asks, leaning against the door frame. “My mom made me take piano lessons all the way through elementary school, so I have something of an appreciation for the fine art of jazz piano. Those pieces were always the most fun to play, anyway.”

Jongdae beckons her into the room, rummaging on the desk until she comes up with a sturdy pair of Bose headphones. “It’s only about halfway finished, maybe thirty seconds, if that,” Jongdae says. Junmyeon tucks her hair behind her ears and takes the headphones from Jongdae, sliding them carefully over her head.

Jongdae clicks the play button after Junmyeon gives her a thumbs-up, and Junmyeon closes her eyes and leans against the desk as she listens. There’s only two pianos at first, playing a jangly harmony that’s soon joined by the third, playing in a lower register that’s meant to mimic the brass instruments. One of the pianos begins to play higher notes on the keyboard, as if it were a flute or piccolo, quarter notes splitting into eighths and sixteenths as the tune veers into swing territory. It cuts off midway through a complicated passage, and Jongdae’s laughing when Junmyeon takes off the headphones and hands them back to her.

“Your eyebrows shot up at the end there, is it bad?” Jongdae looks up at her, one fluffy-slippered ankle brushing against the cuff of Junmyeon’s jeans.

“Not at all,” Junmyeon says earnestly, shaking her head. “It’s so cool, like each piano has its own little voice, like they’re all pretending to be other instruments. I think it’ll be really cool once you finish it.” She makes a face. “ _Cool._ Wow, I need to eliminate that word from my vocabulary.”

“Nah, it’s cool,” Jongdae says, the corners of her mouth drawing upward teasingly. She saves the Finale file and closes her laptop before standing, their bodies just a little too close for Junmyeon’s comfort.

“There’s food,” Junmyeon says, taking a step back towards the door. She grabs hold of the doorknob, like it’ll keep her safe or something. “I brought cupcakes.”

“That was sweet of you,” Jongdae says, taking Junmyeon’s free hand and tugging her out the door. She squeezes Junmyeon’s fingers lightly before dropping them and traipsing down the hallway in her t-shirt and sweatpants and furry moccasins, Junmyeon following a little more slowly.

Baekhyun, Lu Han, and Yixing are already digging into the appetizers when Jongdae and Junmyeon join them around the coffee table, everyone seated cross-legged on the floor and armed with fancy toothpicks and little paper plates.

“If you eat all the scallops I’ll kill you in your sleep,” Jongdae trills at Baekhyun, who pauses with a scallop-laden toothpick halfway to her mouth and passes it to Jongdae instead.

“Well, if you’d gotten out here when Junmyeon went in to get you, you’d have gotten first dibs,” Baekhyun says nasally, making a face. “What were you doing in there?”

“Jongdae let me listen to her composition midterm project,” Junmyeon says, covering her mouth between bites of mini quiche. “It sounds really good.” Swallowing, she makes a face back at Baekhyun. “Probably better than yours.”

“ _Ohhhhhh_ ,” Yixing says, dropping her carrot stick in the vegetable dip. “Are you just gonna let her talk to you like that, Baekhyun?”

“She’s probably right, so yeah,” Baekhyun snorts, bumping Junmyeon’s shoulder with her own. “Jongdae’s got the highest grade in the class for a reason.”

“She never lets us listen to her work,” Lu Han says, a little enviously. She smirks, looking from Jongdae to Junmyeon. “She must like you a lot.”

Out of the corner of her eye Junmyeon sees Jongdae look up quickly, shooting a look at Lu Han, but then Yixing asks Baekhyun a question about her project and the mood changes. Junmyeon steadily avoids Jongdae’s eyes, cramming a dumpling into her mouth to distract herself from the occasional glances she can feel being cast in her direction.

❦

Junmyeon sits on the floor with her back against the couch, sipping intermittently at a plastic cup of pink champagne as she waits for her nails to dry. Baekhyun had attacked her dry cuticles immediately after dinner and painted her nails a pretty shade of mint green to match the sweater she’s wearing. She’s working on Lu Han now, meticulously applying nail tape across her tips to create chevrons while Yixing attempts to style her hair with a curling iron and an arsenal of bobby pins and hairspray.

“Of course Lu Han wants something crazy and time-consuming,” Jongdae sighs, flopping down on the couch behind Junmyeon. “Mine won’t even have time to dry before bed by the time Baekhyun gets to me.”

“You already have nail polish on,” Junmyeon comments, allowing herself a little grin as she looks over her shoulder at Jongdae.

“But it’s chipped,” Jongdae whines, wiggling her fingers in Junmyeon’s face.

Junmyeon puts her champagne on the table and catches one of Jongdae’s hands to inspect. “There’s a tiny little chip on the corner of your thumb,” she laughs, letting go of Jongdae’s fingers. “It’s hardly noticeable.”

“Yes, but…” Jongdae stares sadly at her fingers, painted a shimmery orange. “I wanted them to be pink. Pink is my favorite.”

Junmyeon reaches for her champagne, offering it to Jongdae. “You might like this, then.”

Jongdae inspects the contents with a little smile and downs the last inch of André. “I guess that’ll do,” she says, giving the cup back to Junmyeon. “Hey, can I braid your hair? I’m pretty good at it but I don’t have much use for doing hair since I cut all of mine off freshman year.”

“You look pretty with short hair, though,” Junmyeon says, pulling the elastic out of her hair and running her fingers through it until it drapes neatly over her shoulders. “I’d look just like my brother if I cut mine off.”

“You’d still be cute,” Jongdae says, skritching her fingertips against Junmyeon’s scalp, fluffing the hair at her crown, “but your hair is too nice to chop off.”

Junmyeon’s almost ashamed as how much she wants to melt into Jongdae’s touch. She sighs, relaxing her head against Jongdae’s hands as she works her fingers through Junmyeon’s hair.

“What should I do, what should I do,” Jongdae murmurs, scraping the hair back from Junmyeon’s hairline. She starts to braid, following the curve of Junmyeon’s forehead back along her ear, weaving her bangs back into the twists of hair. “Mm, this will look pretty.”

“I trust your judgment,” Junmyeon says, tilting her head forward slightly so Jongdae can start plaiting behind her ear and around the back of her head. “Even though I’m probably going to look like a Swiss milkmaid.”

“Noooo, you’re going to look gorgeous,” Jongdae wheedles, tugging at a lock of hair. “I wish I had some flowers to stick in it, you’d look like a nineteenth-century painting. All rosy-cheeked with flowers in your hair, awww.”

Junmyeon covers her face, feeling her cheeks flush, heart swooping into her throat. “ _Stoooooooop_ ,” she whines, shoulders curling in when Jongdae’s fingertips brush against her neck.

“Fine, fine, I won’t embarrass you by telling you how cute you’d look in one of those crazy dresses with a hoop skirt and pantaloons,” Jongdae teases.

“You are so weird,” Junmyeon bursts out laughing, the sound somewhat muffled by her hands. Baekhyun glances at her from across the room with a curious little smile, and Junmyeon bites her lip, holding back a grin.

“I’m almost done,” Jongdae says, beginning to braid down to the end of Junmyeon’s hair. She coils it up as she finishes, calling across the room to Yixing, “Hey, throw me some bobby pins!”

Yixing obliges, flinging a piece of cardboard holding a bunch of pins toward Junmyeon. She pulls a few off and passes them over her shoulder to Jongdae, who starts to work on pinning down flyaways and fixing the end of the braid to the nape of Junmyeon’s neck.

“There we go.” Jongdae smooths Junmyeon’s hair and pats her shoulders.

Junmyeon uses her hands to scoot herself around so she’s facing Jongdae. “How do I look?”

“A _dor_ able,” Jongdae coos, reaching forward to pinch Junmyeon’s cheeks. Junmyeon gnashes her teeth at her in protest, and Jongdae laughs, calling over to Baekhyun, “Hey, you didn’t tell me she bites!”

“The Junmyeon can be very temperamental at times,” Baekhyun says serenely, capping the bottle of topcoat she’s just finished with. “Particularly when tired or hungry.”

“Hmm…” Jongdae releases Junmyeon’s face and reaches for the tray of cupcakes on the table. “More snacks?”

Junmyeon grins, feeling more at ease with every minute that goes by. “More snacks.”

❦

It’s well after 2 a.m. when Junmyeon’s eyes start to hurt the more she tries to keep them open, and they decide to split off to sleep—Baekhyun with Yixing, Lu Han by herself, and Junmyeon with Jongdae.

“My bed is my sanctuary,” Lu Han explains when Baekhyun asks why she didn’t offer to share her room.

“Where the hell do you and Minseok have sex, then?” Baekhyun laughs.

“The floor, the wall, the couch—” Jongdae slides onto the floor next to Junmyeon, looking traumatized. “—the shower… oh, and his place.”

“I need to call a priest to cleanse this place of sin and bodily fluids, oh my god.” Jongdae shudders and downs the rest of her pink champagne, and Yixing reaches over to pet her hair soothingly.

“Interestingly, Jongdae is a little bit of a prude,” Yixing says lightly, hushing Jongdae’s whine of protest.

“Please, Minseok is a total clean freak,” Lu Han snorts. “If you shine a blacklight on this couch, you will find nothing. I swear.”

“If you say so,” Jongdae says, pushing her head up against Yixing’s fingertips.

“Junmyeon’s about to pass out,” Baekhyun says, giving her shoulder a little shake, and Jongdae laughs. “And my eyes feel like I have sand in them. Time for bed.”

“Up we go,” Jongdae says, clambering to her feet and offering her hands to Junmyeon, who digs her feet into the carpet and pulls herself up with Jongdae’s help.

“Goodnight,” Junmyeon murmurs, waving with her free hand while Jongdae tugs her down the hall.

She’d changed into her pajama pants and a long-sleeved university t-shirt earlier in the evening, blessedly saving herself from having to take off her clothes in front of Jongdae. With Baekhyun, walking around in a bra and cotton shorts is nothing. With Jongdae, Junmyeon could be wearing a nun’s habit and she’d still feel naked. It’s bad enough that she’s not wearing a bra right now. _Jongdae isn’t, either_ , she reminds herself, wanting to melt into the floor.

“Do you prefer the inside or outside?” Jongdae asks, interrupting her panicky internal monologue.

“What?” Junmyeon looks around, having no idea what Jongdae’s referring to.

“The bed…?” Jongdae smiles curiously. “You want the side against the wall or not?”

“Oh,” Junmyeon says, dragging her hand over her forehead. “Yeah, I like sleeping against the wall. That’s fine.”

“You first, then,” Jongdae says, tugging back the comforter. She pauses, glancing over her shoulder at Junmyeon. “I can move my pillow down to the other end if you wanna sleep head to toe. I promise my feet don’t smell.”

“What? Oh, no, no, don’t, you can just leave it where it is,” Junmyeon says, curling her toes in their socks against the throw rug on the floor.

Jongdae turns around to shut off the light, and Junmyeon crawls into bed, arranging herself as close to the wall as possible so Jongdae has enough space to sleep without the two of them touching too much. Junmyeon folds her arms over the comforter and stares up at the ceiling in the darkness as Jongdae crawls in next to her and tugs the blankets up to her neck.

“Goodnight,” she whispers, rolling onto her side away from Junmyeon. “See you in the morning.”

“‘Night,” Junmyeon replies quietly, turning her head on the pillow to watch Jongdae’s shoulders move gently with each breath she takes. Her eyelids slowly start to droop, but just when she’s about to nod off, Jongdae speaks again.

“Baekhyun told you, didn’t she.”

“Told me what?” Junmyeon asks, feigning innocence as she continues to stare at the ceiling.

“That I like you.” Jongdae rolls over, facing Junmyeon.

“Well, you told me we were friends last week, so, I mean, I hope you like me,” Junmyeon whispers, stammering.

“Junmyeon.” She sounds like Baekhyun, fondly exasperated.

Junmyeon rolls back over to face Jongdae in the darkness, seeing only the outline of her hair against the faint light coming in from beneath the window shade. “Yes. She did.”

“Okay,” Jongdae whispers, shoving her hand under her pillow to support her neck. “Is that— are you— so—” She sighs, sounding irritated with herself, but when she speaks again her tone is tentative, sweet. “Do you like me?”

Junmyeon’s stomach turns itself over, running hot and cold at intervals, making her heart race. Impulsively, she reaches for Jongdae’s hand under the covers, tugging her fingers up to her pulse, pressing her fingertips to the vein thrumming beneath her skin. 

“Oh my god, are you having a panic attack right now?” Jongdae whispers, moving her fingertips across Junmyeon’s neck in a way that makes her ears tingle. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun said—”

“I’m not having a panic attack,” Junmyeon cuts her off. “I just… I don’t know if this is happening because I like you or because I’m terrified about the fact that I like you. And you don’t want to be with someone who’s scared to be with you.”

“Honey…” Jongdae trails off, her hand moving upward, thumb stroking gently across Junmyeon’s cheekbone. “Why don’t you let me worry about that, and you just do what feels right for you. I know I come on a little strong, but I’m not here to drag anyone out of the closet.” Her palm flattens out against Junmyeon’s cheek, fingertips flicking her earlobe in a way that makes shivers run up and down Junmyeon’s spine. “I know that’s something you have to work through on your own, but I’m here for you, you know? If you want me to be.”

“Thank you,” Junmyeon whispers even more quietly than before, because suddenly she wants to cry. “I’m sorry I’m such a basket case.”

“Shhh,” Jongdae says soothingly, curling her hand around the back of Junmyeon’s neck and using it to draw her in, tucking Junmyeon’s head under her chin and stroking her hair. “You don’t have to apologize for your feelings. Sometimes they’re beyond your control.”

Junmyeon’s nose is pressed into Jongdae’s collarbone. She even smells bright, the remaining hints of her perfume citrusy and warm. “You’re nice.”

Jongdae’s just quiet for a few moments, twirling the end of Junmyeon’s braid between her fingers. “I’ve seen you with Baekhyun before, lots of times.”

“She’s my best friend,” Junmyeon mumbles, carefully draping her arm over Jongdae’s waist to keep it from falling asleep, crushed under her own weight, “and my roommate. I’m kind of stuck with her.”

“I get that. It’s just, when I see you…” Jongdae’s hand starts rubbing slow circles across Junmyeon’s upper back. “Sometimes you just look so sad. I don’t understand why nobody else notices it. I don’t even think you realize it. But I just look at you and I think… no one should have to carry that sadness around everywhere. And maybe it’s selfish, but like…” Junmyeon feels her huff a little sigh against the crown of her head. When she speaks again, it’s in a tiny voice. “I wanted to be the person who makes it so you never make that face again.” She pauses again. “Jesus, that sounds stupid.”

Junmyeon’s ribcage is suddenly suffused with warmth. She fumbles around, pawing at Jongdae’s hand until she catches it in her own. “That’s not stupid at all,” she sniffs, feeling silly at how tears prick at the corners of her eyes. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Please don’t cry,” Jongdae begs, squeezing Junmyeon’s hand a little tighter.

Junmyeon rolls back against the bed, her fingers still twined with Jongdae’s. “I’m sorry, I get emotional when I’m tired,” she says thickly, using the heel of her other hand to rub the wetness out of her eyelashes. “I’ve always been a crybaby, though. It’s so dumb, I’m too old to cry like this.”

Jongdae cuddles up to her side, her jaw brushing tentatively against Junmyeon’s shoulder. “Nobody’s too old to cry.”

Junmyeon turns her head on the pillow, her forehead close to Jongdae’s. She can feel Jongdae’s breath whistling against her cheek. “Why are you so nice to me? We don’t even really know each other that well.”

“Because I want to know you,” Jongdae says simply, tipping her head toward Junmyeon so their noses are touching. “And because I know that you deserve good things. You deserve to be happy.”

“And you think you can make me happy?” Junmyeon asks, tone lighthearted and wry even though her heart is thumping against her ribcage.

“Well...” Junmyeon can hear the crooked smile in Jongdae’s voice. “I’m not making any promises, but—”

And then their lips are touching. It’s chaste, at once tender and playful, and it’s over as soon as it starts.

“I’m up for the challenge,” Jongdae says, rolling onto her back with a final squeeze of Junmyeon’s hand. “Good night, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon presses her fingertips to her mouth, the phantom touch of Jongdae’s lips making her heart pound. “Good night.”

❦

When Baekhyun told Jongdae to take it slow with Junmyeon, she must have taken it to heart. They’ve seen each other a handful of times in the dining hall and on weekends, had lunch at the campus cafe one day, and texted a fair amount, but it’s been almost a month since the sleepover when Jongdae catches Junmyeon outside the library on a Thursday afternoon and asks brightly, breathlessly, “Can I take you out to dinner?”

Junmyeon drops the book she’s holding, and Jongdae ducks down to pick it up, holding it to her chest as she waits for an answer. “Uh,” Junmyeon says intelligently.

“It won’t be super fancy or anything but we can, like, dress up and share dessert and go see a movie or something after,” Jongdae says, her smile hopeful and so excited. “Are you free on Saturday night?”

Jongdae in a skirt and sky-high heels and red lipstick holding hands with her at the movies. _Yes, please._ “I am,” Junmyeon says.

“I was thinking Italian, is that okay with you?” Jongdae tucks a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

“I love pasta,” Junmyeon says, and wants to slap herself upside the head. Everything that comes out of her mouth sounds so _stupid_.

“Yay!” Jongdae hands her the book and flings her arms around Junmyeon’s shoulders, impulsively kissing her cheek. “I’ll pick you up at seven? Wear something cute.”

“I will try my hardest,” Junmyeon says, trying not to look as shell-shocked as she feels. She fixes the Peter Pan collar of Jongdae’s shirt and smiles. It’s hard not to smile around Jongdae. “See you later?”

Jongdae looks up at her for a long moment and finally glances down, squeezing her hand. “I’ll text you tonight.”

Junmyeon squeezes her hand back and gently lets go, even though she doesn’t really want to. “Don’t work too hard.”

“I never do,” Jongdae laughs, waving Junmyeon off as she heads into the library and Junmyeon starts walking in the direction of her dorm.

“ _Baekhyun_ ,” Junmyeon moans when she walks in the door, flopping onto the little Ikea couch pushed up against the wall of their two-room suite. “Help.”

“You rang?” Baekhyun shuffles into the room and sits on Junmyeon’s butt, crossing her ankles primly.

“Jongdae asked me out on a date,” Junmyeon says, pained. “You’re crushing my intestines, by the way.”

Baekhyun springs up with a little squeal. “Did you say yes?”

“Yes,” Junmyeon says, feeling her face flush. She rolls over and pushes herself up, then looks at Baekhyun. “We’re going somewhere for Italian food and then we might go see a movie, I guess? I’m a bit fuzzy on the details. She just told me to wear something cute, and she kissed me on the cheek.”

Baekhyun can’t help but let out another squeal. “Oh my god, you two are adorable! And you came to enlist my help, how precious.” She wipes an imaginary tear from her eye. “If that doesn’t warm the cockles of my heart…”

“Baekhyunnnnn,” Junmyeon whines, punching Baekhyun in the arm when she flops down onto the couch beside her and flings her arms around Junmyeon’s shoulders, making obnoxious kissy noises. She gives up and goes limp in Baekhyun’s arms, head lolling against Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Ugh, fine. Yes. I need help.”

“Never fear, Baekhyunnie’s here!” Baekhyun cheers, releasing Junmyeon and darting toward the closet.

Junmyeon heaves a long sigh. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

❦

Junmyeon has to admit, though: Baekhyun did a good job on her. Simple, elegant, classic. Crimson three-quarter sleeved cocktail dress, black slingbacks, shimmery lip gloss, cat eye.

“You look like a fucking bombshell,” Baekhyun says, admiring her masterpiece. “I’m seriously impressed with myself.”

Junmyeon glances at her reflection appraisingly, hands framing her chest. The push-up bra is definitely doing what it’s supposed to do, but somehow she feels self-conscious about it. “You don’t think the boobs are too much?”

“Don’t worry, the neckline leaves enough to the imagination,” Baekhyun reassures her, plucking at the collar just to be sure. “It shows just enough to be…” She starts to giggle. “Titillating.”

Junmyeon swats at her with the black leather clutch Baekhyun had loaned her. “Filth. Absolute filth.”

“And yet somehow I’m your best friend,” Baekhyun says with a smirk. “That says more about you than it does about me.”

“Poor me,” Junmyeon laments playfully, reaching out to pull Baekhyun in for a hug. “Thanks, best friend.”

“Anytime,” Baekhyun says, squeezing her tightly. She pulls back, hands gripping Junmyeon’s shoulders to take one last look at her outfit. “You look amazing, seriously. Either Jongdae’s eyes are going to pop out of her head and float into outer space, or she’s going to drown in her own drool. You look that good.”

“That sounds scary and messy, so for both our sakes I hope she just goes with the traditional ‘Wow, you look nice!’” Junmyeon says lightly. “But I appreciate your enthusiasm.”

“Then you may also appreciate this,” Baekhyun says, pulling something out of her pocket and reaching for Junmyeon’s purse. “Mints and stuff. Italian food, garlic… y’know.”

“Oh, god, I totally forgot about that.” Junmyeon presses the heel of her hand to her forehead and gratefully takes the purse back.

“And here I was thinking you’d be angsting over the good-night kiss portion of the evening,” Baekhyun laughs. “Silly me.”

Oh. _That_. “Well, _now_ I am. Thanks for nothing,” Junmyeon says, glancing down worriedly at her cleavage again.

“Don’t worry,” Baekhyun says in a soothing tone of voice, checking her watch. “It’s just Jongdae. I think she’s just as nervous as you are, honestly. She’s just better at looking like she’s calm and collected. I promise you, she’s not.”

“Why? Did she say anything?” Junmyeon hates it when Baekhyun withholds important details like this, but there’s no time to answer because there’s a knock on the door and there’s really only one person it could be. Junmyeon teeters over to the couch and grabs her coat, slinging her arms into it just as Baekhyun opens the door.

“Hi,” Jongdae says breathlessly, fluffing her hair and smoothing her bangs so they don’t hang in her face. She’s wearing a white coat and a black shift dress underneath it, color blocked in neon green, electric blue, and fuchsia, with black tights and a pair of black oxford pumps. Her makeup is similar to Junmyeon’s, although with a more daring double cat-eye. She looks stunning and _cool_. Junmyeon feels like a high schooler by comparison.

“Hey,” she says, waving her purse gently in Jongdae’s direction.

“Remember to have her home by curfew,” Baekhyun teases. “And no funny business!”

“Yes, mom,” Jongdae snorts, rolling her eyes. She looks expectantly at Junmyeon. “You ready?”

Junmyeon nods and makes her way to the door, fielding an affectionate pat on the ass from Baekhyun on the way. “Have fun,” she whispers. “See you tomorrow.”

Junmyeon’s about to protest that she doesn’t plan to stay out all night, but the door is closing in her face and Jongdae is gently tugging her to the elevator, and from there to the parking lot outside the dorm, where her 2003 Dodge Neon is idling in a parking space.

“That’s brave, someone could have stolen it while you were upstairs!” Junmyeon says, opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat.

“Yeah, but who would want to?” Jongdae laughs, fastening her seatbelt and turning on the seat warmers before pulling out of the spot. “This car is ancient.”

Junmyeon sits on her hands to warm them up. “Is this your first car?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae says, turning up the heat a little higher. “My older brother is good at all that mechanic crap, so he’ll give it a little tune-up whenever I’m home. He’s such a douche, though.” She pitches her voice low, affecting her tone to sound like a stereotypical idiot. “‘Huhuhu, I thought dykes were supposed to be good at shit like this.’ Like I magically gained the ability to replace heating coils or whatever the day I realized I was attracted to women.”

“Is your family not very, uh…” Junmyeon fumbles for the right word, but Jongdae understands what she’s getting at.

“My parents are kind of whatever about it, I think they’re still in the ‘oh, she’ll grow out of it’ stage but they’ll get over it someday. My brother is just a tool who thinks gay jokes are funny and tells me not to look at his girlfriend when she’s at the house.”

“As if you’d be attracted to someone who thinks he’s anything special,” Junmyeon snorts, forgetting herself. She covers her mouth. “Oh, god, I’m sorry, that was so out of line.”

“Aren’t you full of surprises,” Jongdae says, impressed. “And it’s not out of line, it was actually almost word-for-word what I said to him when he told me that.”

“Still…” Junmyeon can’t help but feel embarrassed. “I don’t know you well enough to make remarks about your family, even if your brother was being rude. It’s really bad manners. So I’m sorry.”

“All right, Emily Post,” Jongdae sighs, smiling. “I accept your apology, even if I think it’s unnecessary.” She reaches across the console to squeeze Junmyeon’s arm. “Tell me about your family, I only know that you have a brother and he’s not as cute as you are.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Jongdae,” Junmyeon says airily, although she’s blushing. “But yeah, my brother is seven years older than I am and he’s a junior attorney at a firm in Baltimore. He thinks it’s cute to send me on blind dates with women. Dad’s a professor, mom’s a librarian. Shockingly, they’re okay with the whole lesbian social sciences major thing. But that may just be because I promised them I’d get my Ph.D. and also that I’d get married and have babies someday.” Junmyeon pauses and wants to hit herself in the face. “I think I’ve said too much.”

“Your candor is refreshing,” Jongdae reassures her as she pulls her car into the parking lot of the restaurant. “And your parents sound nice.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve never taken anyone home to meet them, so in theory they’re cool with my ‘lifestyle’ but in practice…” Junmyeon shrugs and gets out of the car. “We’ll see.”

"Hey, getting to the 'in theory' part is half the battle," Jongdae says, meeting her in front of the car so they can walk into the restaurant together. Jongdae had made reservations in advance, so they're seated quickly and handed glasses of water with lemon wedges and menus.

"So," Jongdae says, peering over the top of her menu at Junmyeon, "I meant to tell you earlier but I didn't want to, like, embarrass you in front of Baekhyun because I know how she is, but you look really nice tonight." She smiles, biting her lip. "Your dress brings out the red in your hair."

Junmyeon touches her bangs a little self-consciously and smiles. "Baekhyun would probably be happy to hear it, since she's elected herself my personal stylist for occasions like these. But thank you. I love your dress, by the way. You have great style; I'm kinda jealous."

"You should come thrift shopping with me sometime," Jongdae offers, putting her menu down on the table. "I bet we could find some neat stuff together."

"That would be fun." Junmyeon's cheeks flush when she thinks about sharing a dressing room with Jongdae, so she busies herself with the menu once more. "What are you going to order? I was thinking about the pesto tortellini, maybe with chicken? Shrimp doesn't seem right with pesto, does it?"

"I'm not sure, I've never tried them together…" Jongdae scans the menu. "Probably the bucatini alla carbonara. Eggs and cheese and bacon over pasta? It's like breakfast for dinner!" She grins, flagging down the waiter as he passes by, and the two of them place their orders. He comes back after a few minutes with their wine selections, and Jongdae lifts her glass of pinot grigio when he leaves. "A toast?"

"To what?" Junmyeon asks, raising her sauvignon blanc.

Jongdae looks a bit thrown. "I hadn't thought that far. Um." She swirls the wine around in her glass. "To girls who like girls?"

Junmyeon nods, considering. "Appropriate. I'll drink to that. Cheers!"

"Cheers," Jongdae echoes, clinking the rim of her glass lightly against Junmyeon's.

They chat before and through dinner, getting to know each other a little better; Junmyeon learns that Jongdae is a double minor in vocal performance and film studies, that she's thinking about trying out for the spring musical, and that she's considering pursuing film scoring as a career after college. She has a cat at home named Ginger and really wants a puppy, but her landlord won't allow it.

The conversation dies down a little after dessert when they're stuffed and a little dizzy from the wine, waiting for the check to come. Junmyeon swallows the last sip of her wine and props her chin on one hand, feeling a little braver than usual. "Have you dated very much?" she asks suddenly, curious.

"Not a lot," Jongdae answers, twirling the straw around in her water glass. "Pickings are a little slim here. I had a girlfriend in high school for a while, but it wasn't super serious or anything, mostly just fooling around after school at her house while we pretended to be studying." She looks up at Junmyeon. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," Junmyeon says with a shrug. "This is kind of new to me, and you just seem much more… confident, I guess."

Their server arrives with the check in a leather billfold, and both Junmyeon and Jongdae hand off their credit cards to him, having agreed to split the bill evenly.

"I don't know about that," Jongdae says after the waiter leaves. "But you get good at faking it after a while so people think you know what you're doing."

"Can you teach me how to do that?" Junmyeon laughs, rooting around in her purse for those mints Baekhyun had thrown in there. She feels a couple of weird plastic packages next to her wallet and pulls one out to examine it. The blood runs out of her face when she sees the words _DENTAL DAM_ in large print on the front.

"What is that?" Jongdae asks, and Junmyeon hastily stuffs it back in her purse. "Is that what I think it is?"

"It's Baekhyun's idea of a joke." Junmyeon covers her face. "I'm going to smother her in her sleep when I get home."

"She just likes to get a rise out of you," Jongdae says delicately, reaching across the table to squeeze one of Junmyeon's hands. "Besides, I've literally never known another lesbian to actually use those. If you don't wanna get up close and personal with another woman's clitoris, then you pretty much have no business performing cunnilingus, in my opinion. Not to be crude about it or anything," she adds hastily, and Junmyeon can feel herself blushing.

Thankfully, the waiter chooses that moment to return with their credit cards and the tip receipts. Junmyeon does a little math in her head and scribbles down her signature before excusing herself to the ladies room.

She takes care of business and washes her hands, then stands in front of the mirror and stares at herself for a moment. She's still a bit red in the face from that incident at the table, and at the thought of it, Junmyeon reaches into her purse to find the dental dams and pitches them into the trash can next to the row of sinks. Satisfied, she helps herself to the mints she'd been looking for in the first place, then sticks a hand into her bra to adjust it where the underwire is wedged up in an uncomfortable spot.

Jongdae picks that moment to breeze into the bathroom with their coats folded over her arm, catching Junmyeon like a deer in headlights. Junmyeon whips her hand out of her dress and whirls around, smoothing her skirt. "Hi."

"I didn't see anything," Jongdae says, and Junmyeon appreciates the lie. "Just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"Everything's dandy," Junmyeon says, pasting a smile onto her face, and Jongdae squints at her.

"You don't have to be embarrassed, you know," she says, moving forward and putting her hands on the sink counter on either side of Junmyeon's hips. "I know it was Baekhyun playing a prank, not you, and I'd never try to push you into something you weren't ready to do." She plucks at the neckline of Junmyeon's dress, straightening it for her. "Also, I saw absolutely nothing when I walked into this bathroom, but in the interest of full disclosure, I've been trying really hard not to pick this wedgie my tights are giving me. So. That's all I have to say about that."

Junmyeon feels very emotional all of a sudden. "I don't deserve you," she sighs.

"I'll be the judge of that," Jongdae says, pecking Junmyeon on the cheek and wiping away the smudge of lipstick she accidentally leaves behind. She holds out Junmyeon's jacket. "Wanna go see a movie?"

Junmyeon slides her arms into the coat and turns around with a smile. "Yes, please."

❦

The movie wasn't anything special—one of those Judd Apatow bro comedies—but sitting in one of the double seats near the back of the theatre with Jongdae snuggled up to her side made it worth the price of admission.

When the credits roll and they get up to leave, Jongdae grabs Junmyeon's hand and they walk back to the car like that, only letting go when they reach the passenger side door and Jongdae loops her arms around Junmyeon's neck, nosing at her cheek until Junmyeon gets the message and tentatively fits her mouth to Jongdae's. 

This kiss is a little different than the chaste one they'd shared a few weeks before; Jongdae purses her lips around Junmyeon's lower lip, then the upper one, ever-so-gently tilting her head this way and that. Junmyeon responds in kind, allowing her fingertips to brush along Jongdae's cheek while her other hand falls to the middle of Jongdae's back, heart thumping at the way Jongdae sighs into her mouth at the touch. Jongdae seems to realize she's getting carried away, because she breaks the kiss and glances down, smiling to herself. She looks up when Junmyeon rubs at the smudge of lipstick at the corner of Jongdae's mouth with an expression of fondness.

"I guess we should go, huh?" Jongdae says, and Junmyeon nods, letting go of her to open the passenger side door.

The drive is quiet—they're both a little tired—but as they near campus, Jongdae asks in an overly casual tone of voice, "Hey, do you maybe wanna stay over tonight? I'm just worried about the whole you-suffocating-Baekhyun thing, you know? I can't be party to a homicide…"

"I was only joking," Junmyeon says with an easy smile, swatting Jongdae's arm with her clutch. She thinks about it for a moment. Cuddling with Jongdae and waking up next to her sounds pretty nice, honestly. "I don't have any clothes to sleep in, though."

"Borrow mine," Jongdae says immediately.

"I don't know if my butt's gonna fit in your yoga pants," Junmyeon laughs, "but I guess we'll give it a try?"

Jongdae's apartment is quiet when they tiptoe inside, Lu Han and Yixing probably out at a party. Junmyeon steps out of her heels as soon as they cross the threshold, flexing her aching feet against the carpeting before following Jongdae down the hall to her bedroom. Jongdae leans against the wall to get out of her own shoes, then rifles through a couple of drawers until she produces a loose t-shirt and a comfortable pair of oversized sweats for Junmyeon, who slips out of the room and into the bathroom to wash off her makeup and change clothes.

Jongdae is changed and cleaned up when she returns, sitting cross-legged on the edge of her bed in a tank top and cotton shorts, tapping out a text. She hits 'send' and puts the phone on her nightstand, looking up at Junmyeon with a tiny smile. She looks younger like this, sleepy and bare-faced.

"Just letting Baekhyun know I didn't leave you in a ditch somewhere," she says as Junmyeon joins her on the bed. "How are your feet?"

"Better, now that they're not trapped in those instruments of torture," Junmyeon says, scooting toward the pillows and flopping back against them. She turns her head toward Jongdae with a grin. "Taken care of that wedgie?"

Jongdae makes a face at her and rolls onto her side next to Junmyeon. "Ditched the Wonder Bra?" She smirks. "I can't say I didn't appreciate the effect, though."

"You just like to see me get all red in the face, don't you," Junmyeon mumbles, pointedly crossing her arms over her ample bosom.

"You're just so cute, I can't help it," Jongdae coos, slinging an arm around Junmyeon's waist and nuzzling the ticklish parts of Junmyeon's neck, eliciting a squeal. Junmyeon clutches at Jongdae's tank top when she feels her leaving feathery little kisses here and there along the line of her collarbones, her pulse racing.

"Jongdae," she murmurs, and Jongdae lifts her face and starts to leave a lazy trail of kisses along Junmyeon's jawline and across her cheek until her mouth is hovering centimeters from Junmyeon's.

"Yes?" she responds sweetly, quietly, and Junmyeon thinks she's going to go insane. She curls a hand around the nape of Jongdae's neck and draws her in for a proper kiss.

Jongdae sinks into her immediately, fingertips brushing the shell of her ear while her tongue tests the seam of Junmyeon's lips. Junmyeon's heart jumps, but she opens for Jongdae, gasping into her mouth when her hand slides up Junmyeon's ribcage, thumb just barely touching the side of her breast through her t-shirt.

Jongdae pulls away, looking worried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she says, her hand inching down. "I can get a little too handsy sometimes, I know."

"No, no," Junmyeon breathes, petting her hair and rubbing her nose against Jongdae's cheek, eyes falling shut. "It's fine, I was just—" She cuts off, cheeks burning. "It felt nice."

"You sure?" Jongdae kisses her forehead. "We can just make out and I'll keep my hands behind my back if you want, I swear."

Junmyeon shakes her head. "You can touch me."

"Okay," Jongdae says, looking a little concerned. "Just— let me know if it's too much, all right?"

"I will," Junmyeon says, and resumes kissing Jongdae, who responds with a little more softness as her hand creeps up Junmyeon's abdomen to cup one of her breasts, palm sliding back and forth while her thumb circles around the nipple. Junmyeon stops breathing for a moment, suddenly aching between her legs, then whimpers into Jongdae's mouth, eliciting a little moan in reply. Her fingertips start to knead into Junmyeon's flesh, and it feels so nice that Junmyeon wants to return the favor, palming Jongdae's slightly smaller breast and feeling the firm bud of a nipple poking out from her tank top.

Jongdae's panting into her mouth between kisses, now, and finally has to pull away, pressing her face into the valley between Junmyeon's breasts.

"Are you all right?" Junmyeon asks, feeling both confused and aroused.

"I'm feeling a little _too_ all right," Jongdae says, nuzzling into Junmyeon's cleavage. "I'm having a hard time controlling myself, and I don't think you want to move this fast right now."

"Not tonight, no," Junmyeon says. Her heartbeat's starting to reach a normal pace, but she still feels the same heaviness between her legs. "But I know what you mean."

"Fuck," Jongdae whispers in a way that suggests she is embarrassed, but would like to take care of Junmyeon's problem anyway, which only makes said problem persist.

"It's okay," Junmyeon says, stroking her hair. "Let's just… get some sleep?"

Jongdae rolls off of her and turns off the lamp beside her bed, then tugs her comforter out from beneath the two of them, pulling it back up to their shoulders before she curls up at Junmyeon's side.

"I had a really nice time tonight," she whispers, her chin resting on Junmyeon's shoulder.

"Me too," Junmyeon says, still feeling a little giddy and worked up. She shifts just enough to peck Jongdae on the cheek before letting her head sink into the pillow again. "Good night, Jongdae."

"Sleep tight," Jongdae responds, and burrows her face into Junmyeon's neck.

❦

Junmyeon wakes up the next morning to sunlight peeking through the cracks of Jongdae's blinds and Jongdae snuffling adorably into her shoulder. Junmyeon rolls carefully onto her side and watches Jongdae through half-lidded eyes, not quite awake herself just yet. Jongdae's hair is sticking up pretty hilariously, and Junmyeon smiles to herself as she tries to press it down to no avail.

Jongdae rolls over, still asleep, her back to Junmyeon, and Junmyeon drapes an arm around her, pressing her lips to the warm nape of Jongdae's neck. That seems to startle Jongdae awake, judging by the way she jolts in Junmyeon's hold before realizing where she is.

"It's just me," Junmyeon whispers, nosing the curve of Jongdae's neck.

"Mmm, I'm ticklish there," Jongdae rasps, clearing her throat.

"So I guessed," Junmyeon says, grinning. She leaves an exaggerated smooch at the juncture of Jongdae's neck and ear. "That's cute."

Jongdae whines and wriggles, squirming around in Junmyeon's embrace until they're facing each other again. "You're gonna be so sorry you did that," Jongdae says like she means business.

"Oh yeah?" Junmyeon's never this playful, but Jongdae brings out her silly side. "I seriously doubt that."

Jongdae pouts. "Don't I look threatening at all?"

"If you consider a pile of cotton balls threatening, then sure," Junmyeon snorts, dragging her fingertips across Jongdae's cheekbone. Jongdae makes a face which dissolves into a smile after a moment, and she leans in for a sweet kiss, to which Junmyeon responds eagerly.

"Can we just stay in bed all day?" Jongdae murmurs, clutching the hem of Junmyeon's shirt.

"That would be nice," Junmyeon says, resting her cheek against Jongdae's forehead, "if I didn't have a paper to write this weekend. Besides, I think Baekhyun would worry that I'm _actually_ mad at her if I didn't come home."

"I guess," Jongdae sighs. "You want some breakfast?"

Junmyeon shakes her head and starts to sit up. "Not hungry. Besides, your roommates…" Junmyeon gestures awkwardly and falls silent.

"They're probably still sleeping," Jongdae says softly, her expression unreadable. "You can borrow those clothes if you want so you don't have to do the whole Walk of Shame thing."

"I'm not ashamed," Junmyeon says, looking at her nails. "Just… not used to people knowing much about my personal life."

"I know." Jongdae frowns, mostly at herself, and sits up, pulling her knees to her chest. "I'm just moody." She looks up at Junmyeon through her eyelashes. "I just… I like you a lot, that's all, and it's turning me into an overly emotional moron."

"You're not a moron," Junmyeon sighs, gathering Jongdae into her arms. "My hang-ups are not because of you, they're because of me. They're dumb and I hate them and I'm working on it." She rests her chin on Jongdae's shoulder. "I like you, too. I've never liked anyone as much as I like you, and it freaks me out a little bit."

Jongdae eases back to look at Junmyeon and runs her fingers through Junmyeon's hair, tucking a piece behind her ear. "Don't freak out too much," she says, and the fondness in her eyes makes Junmyeon's stomach flip-flop. "It's just me."

"You really underestimate the effect you have on me," Junmyeon says, shaking her head as she leans in for a kiss. Morning breath doesn't stop Jongdae from frenching her a little, which sends a thrill of heat through Junmyeon's chest. She puts her hands on Jongdae's cheeks and carefully extracts herself from the kiss, drawing a frustrated little whine from Jongdae that makes Junmyeon want to tear her shirt off.

"All right," Jongdae says, tangling their fingers together. "Go do your homework."

"Mkay," Junmyeon says, pecking her on the cheek before climbing out of bed. Jongdae offers her a spare tote bag for last night's clothes and shoes and a pair of sneakers to wear on her trek back to the dorm. They creep out of the room, careful not to disturb Lu Han and Yixing, and Jongdae walks her to the door.

"I had a really good time last night," Junmyeon says in what she hopes is a meaningful tone. She tries to fix Jongdae's hair again, but it springs back up, stubborn as ever.

Jongdae muffles a laugh with her hand. "Me too." She slides her arms around Junmyeon's waist, kissing the corner of her mouth. "I'll text you."

Junmyeon can't quite figure out why it's so hard to untangle herself from this girl, but it's with great reluctance that she slips out the door and downstairs into the frosty morning. The ten-minute walk to the dorm is torture after the warm coziness of Jongdae's room, but it's better that she left; she can already feel herself getting too attached, and it doesn't seem right to rush into this.

 _Maybe I'm overthinking this_ , Junmyeon wonders as she approaches the dorm. There was definitely something happening last night besides getting to second base with Jongdae. For the first time, Junmyeon didn't feel anxious about what she was doing, probably because she was actually doing it instead of thinking about it. It's only in the cold light of day that she's asking herself what she was thinking, when the Junmyeon of last night was contemplating the notion of going beyond a little over-the-shirt action. And she's certain that Jongdae was feeling the same, judging by the little sounds she breathed into Junmyeon's mouth, the way she was so careful to control herself.

Junmyeon's face feels hot just thinking about it.

But there's no more time for that; Junmyeon runs up the stairs and unlocks the door to her dorm room, only to see a shirtless Park Chanyeol kissing her roommate in the doorway to her room.

"Whoa!" Junmyeon yelps, backing out of the room.

"Oh, god, sorry," Chanyeol says, swearing under his breath as he wrestles back into his t-shirt. "You can come in, we're decent, I swear. I was just leaving."

Junmyeon laughs nervously and pokes her head in. Baekhyun's in her flannel bathrobe, which she takes care to wrap tightly around herself, blushing like a Victorian lady who's just flashed an ankle by mistake.

Chanyeol kisses the top of her head and Junmyeon can just make out the words "—call you" before he sidesteps her with an apologetic smile and closes the door behind him.

"So," Junmyeon says, looking from the door to Baekhyun. "I guess it's good I slept over at Jongdae's after all."

"I'm so sorry," Baekhyun says, covering her face with her hands. "I was such a douche last night, that wasn't really a funny joke in hindsight and I was just trying to lighten things up but Jongdae tore me a new asshole about it so I'm really sorry please don't yell at me—"

"She did?" Junmyeon sits down on the couch, gesturing for Baekhyun to do the same. "She never said anything to me about it."

"I guess it was after you guys got back, she let me know you were staying over and then she laid into me about it," Baekhyun rambles. "It was a dick move and I'm so sorry, please forgive me?"

"Wow, she must have guilted you _good_ ," Junmyeon says, kind of impressed with Jongdae's work. She pinches Baekhyun's ear and tugs on it, enough to get the point across but not enough to actually hurt. "Honestly, it was the only hiccup in the entire night. But if you ever pull a stunt like that again—"

"My pranking days are over," Baekhyun vows, and Junmyeon lets her go. "But you had a good night?"

"Yeah, we had a lot of fun," Junmyeon says, trying to keep her face composed, but Baekhyun is smarter than that.

"PG-13 or R-rated fun?"

Junmyeon makes a face, but thinks about the question. "What is it in the UK? PG-15? Something like that." She squints at Baekhyun. "What about you?"

"About the same," Baekhyun says. "He texted me while you were out and I invited him over to watch Netflix and make out, but we fell asleep around 1 a.m. and woke up at, like, 3:30? And by that time it was stupid to send him home, so we just changed into our PJs and went to sleep for real."

"Soooooo, you slept together in your underwear," Junmyeon clarifies, grinning smugly at the way Baekhyun's face goes red all the way to her hairline.

"What, no half-naked cuddling for you and JD?" she asks defensively.

Junmyeon unbuttons her coat and gestures to her pajamas á la Vanna White. "I prefer this sexy ensemble."

"She let you borrow her clothes?" Baekhyun says, her frown morphing into an adoring little smile. "That's so cute. She is so into you."

Junmyeon buries her face in her hands to hide the smile threatening to show itself.

"And you're totally into her. God, you guys are so fucking cute!"

❦

_i miss you!!! :( :'( ;~~~~; ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ <3_, Jongdae texts one night a couple weeks later, just after Junmyeon climbs into bed for the night. They hadn't had any sleepovers since their first date, but they were definitely spending more time together, having lunch almost every day between classes, dinner a few times a week, and Netflix and cuddling marathons on weekends. They've been taking it slowly, getting more comfortable with each other with every passing day.

 _You just saw me four hours ago, silly <3_, Junmyeon replies, hanging onto the phone because she knows Jongdae's texting habits; once she gets going, she won't stop for at least twenty minutes.

_i mean i wish you were here :( i'm lonely :'(_

Junmyeon sighs. _Jongdaeee :c I have class early tomorrow, you know that. Please don't be sad. I can come over tmw night?_

_i know… tmw is good but it doesn't help me right now_

And then a picture comes through of Jongdae in her tank top and undies, straps drooping down her shoulders while the hand that isn't holding her iPhone is hooked in the waistband of her lacy pink bikini-cut panties.

Junmyeon closes her eyes and prays for strength, then navigates to Jongdae's contact page and presses the call button.

"Hi," Jongdae says in her wounded kitten voice, and Junmyeon whimpers, completely wound up.

"Are you, you know," she stammers, rolling onto her side toward the wall, adding in a whisper, " _touching yourself?_ "

The bitten-off little moan that floats through her ears a second later makes it pretty clear: yes, that's exactly what Jongdae's doing.

"I just get crazy horny right before my period, and I can't stop thinking about you," she babbles. "Is this—" She sucks in a breath. "Is this okay?"

Junmyeon's entire being shouts _YES!!!_ , but she settles for a strangled "Mm-hmm" instead. "Do you— do you do this a lot?"

"Only recently," Jongdae says, her breathing a little quicker now. "The night after you stayed over was the— _unh_ — first time in a while."

"And the first time you… thought of me?" Junmyeon inquires, feeling a little hot around the collar.

"In more than an abstract way, yeah," Jongdae replies in a breathy voice, "now that I know what it's like to kiss you and touch you…"

"Is that what you're, um, thinking about now?" Junmyeon feels like her heart's a pinball, her ribcage is a mess of bumpers, and Jongdae is winning the hell out of this game.

"Yes," Jongdae whispers, and Junmyeon starts to feel her undies clinging to her skin, fabric dampening around the crotch. "Mostly thinking about what it'll be like to finally see you naked and touch you in all the places I haven't gotten to yet."

Junmyeon swallows hard, breath catching in her throat. "Yeah?"

"Sometimes," Jongdae says, her breath more labored now; Junmyeon can hear the bed creaking a little in the background, "just randomly, in the middle of the day, I wonder what you taste like, and it drives me crazy."

A pathetic whimper rises in Junmyeon's throat of its own volition, and her hand undoes the drawstring of her pajama pants and slides beneath the elastic of her underwear, fingertips finding a home in the slickness around her clit. She envisions her digits replaced by Jongdae's perfect mouth and velvety tongue and tries to stifle a moan with her pillow.

"Oh god, yes," Jongdae groans, the sound getting a little louder when Junmyeon picks up a faint buzzing in the background. "God, I can't wait to bury my face between your thighs and slide my fingers into you for the first time."

Junmyeon gasps, bucking up into her hand as she works the pads of her fingers in quick circles around her clit. " _Jongdae_."

"I'm right here," Jongdae pants. "Come on, baby, tell me what you're thinking about."

Junmyeon wedges the phone between her shoulder and ear and jams her other hand into her pants, plunging the fingers of her left hand inside herself and using her right hand's fingers to massage her clit.

"I just want to know," Junmyeon says breathlessly, pressing inward with her left hand and clenching around her fingers, "what your face looks like when you come."

There's a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line, then a long, low moan that tapers off into a whimper. It's hard to describe an orgasm, but Junmyeon can recognize one, and her muscles tighten around her fingers like a vise at the realization that she made it happen. Her wrists are cramping like hell, but she increases her speed anyway, grinding her fingertips into her clit and g-spot simultaneously until she feels that wave of delicious heat crash over her and comes with a stifled cry.

Junmyeon lets her muscles relax and eases her sticky hands out of her underwear, reaching over to the nightstand for a couple of tissues to clean herself up with while she listens to Jongdae's breathing evening out.

"You're so quiet," Jongdae says suddenly, sounding sleepy.

"I always am," Junmyeon replies with a shuddering sigh, dropping the tissues into the wastebasket beside her bed before rolling onto her side and relieving the kink in her neck by holding the phone properly.

"Wish you could hold me right now," Jongdae murmurs.

"Me too." Junmyeon clutches a pillow instead, and they're quiet for a few moments, each listening to the other's steady breathing.

"Hey, Junmyeon?"

"Mmm."

"I don't know if I'm just feeling vulnerable or hormonal or whatever, but I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

A beat. "I think I'm in love with you."

Junmyeon just closes her eyes, feeling too good to second-guess herself. "I think I'm in love with you, too."

❦

The next day finds Junmyeon putting in extra effort to look nice and feel… well, sexy. She spends way too long in the shower shaving her legs and tidying things up below the belt, uses a fancy conditioner sample and even bothers to blow-dry her hair so it's soft and smooth and bouncy, and breaks out the good perfume, spritzing her pulse points and hoping the scent will last the entire day.

Junmyeon owns exactly one matching bra and panty set. It's a lacy lilac combo that isn't _too_ racy, and it was on sale, which is why Baekhyun made her buy it during one of their shopping excursions a few months back. As she snaps the front closure into place, she wonders if Jongdae will like it, or if she'll think it's silly that Junmyeon went to so much trouble, or if things will even go in that direction tonight. She did promise she'd come over, but it wasn't like they'd explicitly planned on having sex.

Still, Junmyeon thinks, better to overthink things than pretend they aren't happening.

She picks out tighter jeans than she usually wears, then wonders if they won't be too hard to get off, then gets irritated at herself for taking off and putting on her pants three times in a row and puts on her belt before she can change her mind again. She decides on a dark green sweater that makes the reddish tones in her hair dye pop and stuffs her pajamas, toothbrush, and a change of clothes into her backpack, then forces herself to do homework until it's time to go to Jongdae's.

At three o'clock, she pulls on her socks and boots, whips her coat on, and throws her backpack over her shoulder before yelling "See you tomorrow!" at Baekhyun's bedroom door and letting herself out of the dorm. She's outside Jongdae's apartment by a quarter after three, and Lu Han lets her in with a cheerful smile. The lavender in her bangs is growing out, faded to a pale pinkish hue against her light blonde hair.

"You look cute today," Lu Han says, closing the door behind her. "You guys have anything special planned for today?"

 _She knows_ , Junmyeon panics, but she pastes on a placid smile and tucks her hair behind her ear. "Nah… just trying out a new conditioner, that's all."

"Hmm." Lu Han studies her for a moment. "Well, it's working for you. Anyway, Jongdae's in her room. We were thinking of ordering out for dinner tonight, maybe Japanese?"

"I could go for tonkatsu," Junmyeon says, closing one eye while she thinks about the merits of sushi over deep-fried pork. "We'll let you know what sounds good when we get hungry, I guess."

"Mkay," Lu Han says, crossing into the living room and plopping herself on the couch next to her open laptop and a stack of books on the coffee table. "I'll be out here until then."

"Bye," Junmyeon says, leaving Lu Han to her work and turning down the hallway. She knocks twice on Jongdae's door when she reaches the end of the hall and pokes her head in with a nervous little smile. "Hey."

Jongdae practically throws down her music theory textbook and sits up in bed. "Oh, thank god. I can't look at this shit for another minute."

Junmyeon drops her backpack by the dresser and takes off her jacket, carefully hanging it beside Jongdae's coat on the peg screwed into her door. Her boots are the last thing to come off, and then she's crawling onto Jongdae's bed and Jongdae's falling into her arms with a happy sigh.

"You smell amazing," Jongdae says, sniffing Junmyeon's neck and leaving a few light kisses just where her sweater touches her collarbone. "And you look pretty today. I mean, you're always beautiful, but…" She lifts her head to look at Junmyeon, draping her arms over Junmyeon's shoulders and playing with her hair. "I don't know, you just look very pretty today."

"Thank you," Junmyeon says, feeling herself blush. "I just felt like… trying something different today, that's all."

"Yeah?" Jongdae smiles, leaning in for a brief kiss. She lingers, their mouths still close together when she adds, "Does this have anything to do with our, uh, conversation last night?"

"Not… directly," Junmyeon says, ignoring the swooping feeling in her chest as she lifts a hand to push Jongdae's bangs out of her eyes. "But I feel a little different now. Not in a bad way," she adds hastily, seeing Jongdae's expression go from curious to concerned, "just… different. Maybe for the better."

Jongdae cups Junmyeon's face, rubbing her thumbs over Junmyeon's cheekbones. "Well, for what it's worth, I think you're perfect just the way you are," she says in a quiet voice, "but if you feel more confident, that's good, too. As long as you're happy."

"I am," Junmyeon says, folding her hands together at the base of Jongdae's spine and drawing her in close so she can prop her chin on Jongdae's shoulder. "I feel happier than I've been in a long time."

"Me too," Jongdae responds, her voice heavy with emotion. "You know I meant what I said last night, right? I—I love you, Junmyeon."

Junmyeon pulls back enough that she can look Jongdae in the eye. "I don't really know what love is supposed to feel like," she says slowly, thinking it over, "but if this is it, then… I love you, too."

Jongdae crushes their mouths together, cradling the back of Junmyeon's head with one hand while they kiss in earnest. Jongdae clutches at her shoulder, and Junmyeon leans back on the bed, flopping against the pillows as Jongdae climbs into her lap. Her hands settle on Jongdae's hips, thumbs touching skin where her shirt falls away from her body, and she tents her knees so Jongdae's ass is flush against her thighs.

"Can I—" Jongdae's fingertips skim the hem of Junmyeon's sweater before they dip under the fabric, brushing her skin so lightly it tickles.

Junmyeon nods, circling her thumbs and sucking on Jongdae's lower lip as Jongdae's palm slides up her ribs and her fingertips rove around the surface of Junmyeon's bra, making goosebumps prickle beneath the fabric.

"Is that lace?" Jongdae whispers against the corner of her mouth.

"Mmhm," Junmyeon hums nervously, chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Jesus," Jongdae says softly, leaning her forehead against Junmyeon's.

"Do you—" Junmyeon clears her throat, heart pounding. "Do you want to see it?"

"Only if you want to show me," Jongdae replies, sitting back, her lips pink and slightly swollen from kissing, which only makes Junmyeon want to kiss her more.

Junmyeon pushes herself up and crosses her hands at the hem of her sweater. She takes a deep breath and pulls it slowly over her head, dropping it on the bed and straightening her hair self-consciously while Jongdae just _looks_ at her. Junmyeon has to force herself not to block the view with her hands, especially since it's a little chilly in the room and her nipples are poking out, which is embarrassing.

"Are you all right with this?" Jongdae's gaze shifts to her face.

"Yeah." Junmyeon rubs the goosebumps on her arms. "It's just kind of cold in here."

Jongdae takes her hands, squeezing them tightly. "You wanna get under the covers or something?"

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," Junmyeon babbles, and Jongdae slides off the edge of the bed to lock the door in case Lu Han decides to come see what they're up to.

She turns around to see the apprehensive look on Junmyeon's face and tugs her own t-shirt over her head, revealing a pale pink cotton bra. "Just trying to be fair," she says by way of explanation. "You take something off, I'll take something off."

Junmyeon feels a little silly in a bra and jeans, and it's sort of uncomfortable to wear jeans under a blanket, so she drops her hands to the belt and fastenings and shimmies out of her tight pants until they're in a pile on the floor and she's left in just her matching underwear and socks. She pulls up the corner of Jongdae's comforter and slides back into the bed, pulling the blanket over her lap.

Jongdae takes a few steps toward the bed before she starts to push her sweatpants down from her hips, thick material pooling at her feet. She's wearing a pair of pink plaid boyshorts underneath, which cling to her ass in a way that makes Junmyeon so fond of her in that moment. Junmyeon never thought underpants could say so much about a person, but those particular ones are just very… Jongdae.

Jongdae climbs in next to her and sits with her legs folded to the side, toes rubbing together inside of her socks. "Did you, um… dress up for me?" she asks finally, a little pink in the face as she gestures at Junmyeon's attire.

"Maybe," Junmyeon mumbles. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason, it's just—" She looks at Junmyeon with a wry smile on her lips. "You don't seem like a matching panties kind of girl."

"Baekhyun made me do it."

"I thought so," Jongdae laughs, reaching forward to twist a lock of Junmyeon's hair around her finger. "You look beautiful."

A thrill of warmth swoops down low into her abdomen. "Your butt looks really cute in those undies," she blurts out, hanging her head in shame at her sheer brainlessness.

Jongdae just giggles and scoots forward to wrap her arms around Junmyeon, kissing a trail across her hairline. "It's okay, you're nervous," she murmurs, sucking Junmyeon's earlobe into her mouth and flicking her tongue at it until Junmyeon shivers. "No pressure. I'm just going to try to make you feel good, all right?"

"What about you?" Junmyeon asks, stretching out on her side beneath the blanket.

"Don't," Jongdae says softly, sealing her lips to Junmyeon's, "worry about me."

She always feels short of breath when Jongdae kisses her like that, but the sensation is heightened by Jongdae's thigh rubbing against her own, her hand massaging Junmyeon's breast through her bra.

"Your boobs are fantastic," Jongdae moans against her cheek, trailing kisses down her face and neck until her nose is brushing the swell of Junmyeon's right breast. Jongdae trails her tongue across the skin bordering the lilac lace still covering her up, and Junmyeon lets out a shaky sigh, feeling dampness in the gusset of her panties.

Jongdae is about to reach around Junmyeon's back to unhook her bra, but Junmyeon catches her hand and guides it back to the center of her chest. Jongdae groans, the sound heavy with desire. "Front closure? What is this, my birthday?" She works a finger underneath the band and unsnaps the metal clasp, parting the fabric and almost immediately fondling Junmyeon's naked breasts, thumbs flicking at her stiff nipples. Junmyeon's back arches of its own volition, which Jongdae takes as an invitation to bow her head and suck a nipple into her mouth, tongue rolling across the sensitive nub.

Junmyeon parts her thighs so Jongdae can nestle her hips between them, licking and sucking and kissing her way across Junmyeon's chest and kneading at the flesh her lips can't get to. She mouths at Junmyeon's sternum and pulls her breasts in until they're flush with her cheeks as if to motorboat her without the obnoxious sound, and Junmyeon laughs suddenly, which makes Jongdae stop and peek up at her, face flushed. "Ticklish?"

"No, no," Junmyeon says, holding Jongdae's face in her hands and dragging her in for a long kiss. "You're just cute, that's all."

"If you say so." Jongdae squints at her with a playful smile on her face.

"As you were," Junmyeon says, throwing one arm behind her head in an attempt to pose in an alluring fashion, á la Kate Winslet in _Titanic_.

"Oh, you like that?" Jongdae smirks and drops her head to Junmyeon's neck, sucking a mark into the skin while she pinches a nipple lightly between her thumb and forefinger and tugs on it.

Junmyeon squirms against the sheets and arches into Jongdae, biting her lip to stifle a moan, and Jongdae takes the other nipple into her mouth and rocks into Junmyeon, the combination of stimuli making her underwear cling even more closely now.

Jongdae's hands slide down to her hips now and her mouth follows, dropping kisses in its wake and making Junmyeon's abdomen flutter from the light touches. She presses her face into Junmyeon's belly and drags her hands down the tops of Junmyeon's thighs and back up the smooth skin of her inner thighs until they frame the line of her underwear.

"Are you still good?" Jongdae asks, her breath causing more goosebumps to rise along the waistband of Junmyeon's undies. "I mean, I got tested and everything, clean bill of health and all that, but I just wanna make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," Junmyeon says, tentatively sliding her hands beneath the fabric at her hips while her clit throbs as if to remind her it's still there. "Help me get these off?"

Junmyeon lifts her hips, and Jongdae moves out of the way as she tugs the underwear down Junmyeon's thighs and off, dropping them on the floor beside the bed. She reaches up near Junmyeon's head for a throw pillow and squeezes Junmyeon's naked hip. "Up," she says, and Junmyeon follows her direction, watching as Jongdae wedges the pillow under her butt to lift her hips.

"So I don't get a crick in the neck," Jongdae explains, nuzzling Junmyeon's thigh and smiling at the way she jumps. Her hands slide up Junmyeon's thighs again, thumbs tentatively parting her lips, and Junmyeon blushes when she adds, "Jesus, even your pussy is cute."

" _Jongdae_ ," she whines, the sound pitching up at the end when Jongdae suddenly drags the flat of her tongue along the length of her slit.

Jongdae jerks her head at the door and puts a finger to her lips, then resumes her slow, torturous licking of Junmyeon's cunt while Junmyeon swears under her breath. She tips her head back with a silent moan when Jongdae sucks her clit between her lips, her tongue swirling around it before returning to its rhythmic licking.

"That feels so good," Junmyeon whispers, pushing her hips up to meet the bobbing of Jongdae's head. She allows herself a soft moan when Jongdae adds her fingers into the mix, coating her middle and ring fingers in the slickness leaking out of Junmyeon's pussy and tracing her inner lips. She pushes down against the sensitive membranes in a way that makes streaks of heat shoot down Junmyeon's legs until the soles of her feet tingle.

She's so turned on that it doesn't sting in the least when Jongdae's fingers slide inside of her, curling upwards and stroking firmly, with purpose. Junmyeon has to bite down on her wrist to stop herself from getting too loud, but it's so hard to stay quiet when Jongdae's fingers are only intensifying the sensations her mouth is producing. Her other hand winds into Jongdae's hair, and Jongdae moans with Junmyeon's clit in her mouth, fingers pushing up hard against her front wall and rubbing.

Junmyeon can hardly take it anymore, whimpering with every lick and stroke. The heat building up in her core finally comes to a head, and with a few more rhythmic flicks of Jongdae's tongue, Junmyeon comes, clutching the sheets with one hand and the back of Jongdae's neck with the other.

She doesn't even realize she's holding her breath until it rushes out in a gasp, and Jongdae leaves her with one last lazy open-mouthed kiss to the cunt before she pushes herself up and wipes her face with the back of her hand. She looks down as if to admire her handiwork—Junmyeon melting into her bed, chest heaving, hair mussed—and smiles crookedly, tugging the pillow out from underneath Junmyeon's butt before reaching behind her back to unhook her bra and fling it aside. Jongdae makes short work of her underwear, too, then settles herself between Junmyeon's thighs and tugs up the comforter, lowering herself against Junmyeon's chest until they're skin to skin.

"How're you feeling?" Jongdae murmurs, pressing soft little kisses to Junmyeon's cheeks and neck.

"So good," Junmyeon sighs, wrapping her arms around Jongdae's waist and closing her eyes. "Thank you. I love you."

"Good thing this is one of my favorite pastimes." Jongdae giggles into her hair. "Now I know exactly how to get you eating out of the palm of my hand."

Junmyeon laughs and swats her playfully across the ass. "Using sex for evil, how could you?"

"Is it evil even if it makes you all swoony and happy like this?" Jongdae kisses her deeply, one hand sliding around the back of her neck while the other palms one of Junmyeon's breasts. Junmyeon can smell herself on Jongdae's skin, which is weird but also makes her still hyper-sensitive clit twinge with arousal.

"I don't know," Junmyeon murmurs, kissing away and dragging her hands up Jongdae's back and around her ribcage, sliding them up to play with Jongdae's breasts. They're smaller than her own, but seemingly more sensitive, judging by the way Jongdae keens when Junmyeon rubs her palms in a circular motion over the nipples. Junmyeon wonders if she could get off on this alone, just watching Jongdae react to being touched. "Maybe not."

Jongdae's hips grind into her own, and she clutches the backs Junmyeon's knees to push them in toward her chest, giving her more freedom to rut against Junmyeon.

"I thought you said not to worry about you," Junmyeon teases, gasping when Jongdae's dripping cunt presses against hers.

"I lied," Jongdae whispers, circling her hips and tipping her head back toward the ceiling, eyelashes fluttering. She lets go of one of Junmyeon's legs and swings one of her own over it, straddling the limb and extending Junmyeon's other leg, hooking her knee over her shoulder.

"I thought they only did this in porn," Junmyeon laughs, propping herself up on her elbows for more leverage.

Jongdae presses her face into Junmyeon's leg, hiding a smile. "That's kind of where I got the idea," she groans. "I'm so dumb."

Junmyeon moves her leg out of the way so she can pull Jongdae down for a kiss. "No, you're not," she murmurs into Jongdae's mouth, petting her hair. "We'll give it a try. If it works, that's good. If it doesn't, we'll figure something out." She smiles and kisses Jongdae's cheek, leaning back to look at her. "Besides, I can't say I've never been curious about how this works…"

"You watch porn?" Jongdae's eyebrows shoot up into her bangs as she lifts Junmyeon's left leg back over her shoulder.

"Like, twice," Junmyeon snorts. "Just to see what the fuss was all about. It's so _bad_ , I don't know how anyone can actually enjoy it."

"My dear," Jongdae sighs, kissing the inside of Junmyeon's knee as she shimmies forward on Junmyeon's other thigh, leaving streaks of wetness on her skin. Junmyeon clenches around nothing as Jongdae angles her hips and her pussy slides against Junmyeon's once more. "You're watching the wrong shit."

Junmyeon gives up on using her elbows for leverage, letting her upper body fall back in favor of digging her heel into Jongdae's bed and lifting her hips. Her fingernails bite into Jongdae's skin when she grabs onto her ass, increasing the pressure of their friction. Jongdae uses Junmyeon's leg for balance, wrapping her right arm around it and rocking into her while her free hand clutches at Junmyeon's wrist.

"Good?" Jongdae asks breathlessly, keeping a steady rhythm, and Junmyeon arches off the bed to meet her with a nod and a sharp intake of breath. It's more than good; Jongdae's cunt warm and wet against her own is both the strangest and best sensation, the closest to being inside of her she can get at this point. Seeing Jongdae writhing above her, desperately grinding her pussy into Junmyeon's while her expression morphs into pleasure with every rub of her clit, is just so profoundly _erotic_ that Junmyeon can't help but drag her down for a filthy kiss.

Jongdae pushes Junmyeon's knee into her chest, holding herself up with hands gripping the sheets as her tongue sweeps into Junmyeon's mouth. She begins to rut more erratically against Junmyeon, and Junmyeon's hands hold tight to her hips, pulling her down while she meets Jongdae's quickening pace. Jongdae chokes out a series of little moans, her back bowing out as she clamps her fingers around Junmyeon's upper arms and drops her head, face half-buried in Junmyeon's neck. She rocks hard enough into Junmyeon that the bed is starting to creak, but Junmyeon can't even care about Lu Han hearing them when Jongdae seizes in her arms and moans into the hollow of her throat, hips stuttering to a stop as she rides out her orgasm.

Junmyeon kisses her sweat-dampened temple, and Jongdae fumbles beneath the pillow for something, producing a fancy-looking vibrator. Junmyeon thinks she must look shocked or impressed or something, because Jongdae palms the silicone head and says, "My vagina is very high maintenance."

"What are you gonna—" Junmyeon starts, but she's cut off when Jongdae nestles the vibrator against Junmyeon's clit and holds down the button that turns it on. The vibrator buzzes to life and Junmyeon's head drops onto the pillow, mouth open in a silent expression of pleasure. Jongdae traces circles around her clit with the tapered end, then presses the wide end flat against the swollen nub and slides two fingers into Junmyeon. Junmyeon can't help herself; ten seconds of that and she's clenching around Jongdae's fingers and moaning at an embarrassing volume. Jongdae works her through it until she whimpers from overstimulation, then shuts off the vibrator and tosses it aside before she flops down on the bed beside Junmyeon and nuzzles her face into Junmyeon's cleavage.

"Oh my god." Junmyeon's reeling, her pussy still twitching from that glorious orgasm. "You are fantastic, but that thing is like— _wow_. Is this what I've been missing out on?"

"Are you telling me you don't have a vibrator?" Jongdae looks at her like she just said she doesn't eat chocolate.

"I never really wanted to spend the money on one, seemed kind of silly when I could just, you know," Junmyeon says, gesturing vaguely, "with my hands."

"Now I want to drag you to a sex shop and help you pick one out," Jongdae snickers, "but then I think I may never see you again."

"Actually, I've decided to elope with yours, sorry you had to find out this way," Junmyeon gasps with laughter.

Jongdae pretends to pound her arm and snuggles closer to her instead. "Are you hungry? I'm hungry."

"Yeah, a little," Junmyeon says, scooping Jongdae into her arms and spooning her. She tugs the covers up to their shoulders. "Can we take a catnap first? I don't think I'm ready to face Lu Han just yet."

"Someday you'll be lucky enough to hear her screaming while Minseok rails her in the shower," Jongdae says in a sleepy voice, lacing her fingers with Junmyeon's. "Then you'll be even."

"Wonderful," Junmyeon groans, pressing her face into Jongdae's neck.

"Maybe I'm just biased," Jongdae sighs, leaning back against Junmyeon's chest, "but I wouldn't mind the screaming so much if it were coming from you."

" _Jongdae_ ," Junmyeon mumbles, embarrassed. "I'd never _scream_."

"Hmm," says Jongdae, a note of skepticism mingled with finality in her voice. "We'll see about that."

**Author's Note:**

> [Cross-posted from LiveJournal in April 2018; original author's note left intact.]
> 
>  **Author's Note** : More self-indulgent bullshit brought to you by JunDae and a lot of shitty gay-for-pay lesbian porn I watched on DailyMotion and Pornhub for research. I was too lazy to dig for the real stuff. But rest assured, neither of these ladies have fake nails!
> 
> I just realized that basically all of my stories end with people falling asleep or going to take a shower. I am the most predictable. :| There's not enough of a plot in this story for me to be happy, but it fulfills my need for more EXO genderswap fic and JunDae—two birds with one stone! It's also the longest fic I've ever written on my own.
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/pageandpetals) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/pageandpetals)


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